Why do we break down ? Why aren't we strong enough to conquer anything in the world ? Does that make us weak though ? . The number of questions that begin with Why and have no answer to them are half of the questions we ask in our limited amount of living . And we mostly ask them when we are heartbroken , betrayed , damaged and any other word out there that can be used to describe a shattering glass that is you .
Why is it always us , the one being broken I mean , why ? Because we , the ones with a pure heart that designs every part of who they are , are too engrossed in the people we think are good for us , we are too deeply affected by them , it's like what Lexi once said about Mark Sloan .... " You are in , it is like you are a disease , it is like I am infected by Mark Sloan " .
Why do we let people or even our own problems affect us so much ? we probably haven't even experienced half of the shit other people have gone through , yet we think we are the ones that should give up on life and stop fighting for what we want , for what we live for . There are people out there that can't walk or eat or drink without having a babysitter by their side , so next time we tell ourselves to give up , let's remind our selves that there are millions out there that have it worse than we ever could but they manage to smile each day , how ? you ask them and they would tell you that it is not the end of the world .
The hardest thing about being broken is when people see you break down , when you lose control over yourself and everyone can see every inch of you that you so hardly wanted to cover up with your own walls , that's the worst thing because you feel weak , you feel like any second someone could use that against you .
To me , I always wanted to be strong , always wrote about strong women who never shed a tear over someone useless , who had a heart of stone ... and I was the exact opposite , and maybe that's why I wrote so much about them because I wanted to create a fictional character of who I wanted to be ... and until now I never knew that I could actually be this person , I could actually be the strong woman I once dreamed about being .
I got a hold of myself and pushed myself up step by step without no help and it made me a different person .. a happier person .
But it is scary when you start to get back to your old habits and your old self that you so desperately hated , because you start drowning back into the pain you buried long ago . You start to panic and maybe lose control over yourself , but that's where you have to somehow motivate yourself by reminding yourself of that feeling of being destroyed into pieces and trust me your own soul will work hard enough to save you from getting swapped back into your own darkness .