We might be humans but we're not always humanly , sometimes we're just monsters in disguise . We can never act like we know what we all think of each other now because we don't know . 

We never will and what sucks is that because we're so manipulative we can act like we're all nice lovey-dovey with each other and then in the back of our minds , we're probably thinking the worst of each other . 

I'm not saying we're all like that but most of us are or most of us had at least dealt with that . What I've learnt this week is that if you're not sure about someone's intentions , pay close attention to their way of acting around you and what they say because even if they fake it , their act is going to slip away at least for a second , humans can't hide their real feelings for that long ,sooner or later , they're bond to break their act. 

What sucks is that you don't think that people can be like that because you can't imagine yourself doing that to someone but no one is as kind as you might be even though Everyone has their own definition of kindness . 

When you think about it , the way someone jokes around with you or laugh at you when someone is making fun of you or embarrassing you even though it's supposed to be just for fun , the way they laugh at you can tell you so much , can tell you that to them that's what they actually think about you but are hiding it quite well . 

Here's something I've learnt about people this week is that every thing they say can mean so much even if they're people you've spent everyday with but sometimes people can say stuff and repeat it and you being the clueless person you are because you think that they're not the kind of people that will throw hints of ' we don't want you there ' in your face but they are and when you think it through , you realize how stupid you are for brushing it off , but oh well ... 

My philosopher self discovered something else this week , well actually two other things . 

Lesson One : People can go to deep ends to catch up with what's trending even if they know it's wrong . They just want to be like the rest and they're so proud that they're followers of the wrong crowd and want to show it off and say it loud and clear for everyone to hear and see ..... THAT'S SAD , it really is , when you know that some are way better than what they do , and that maybe behind that all , they're good people . Maybe they're too blind to see it . 

Lesson Two : Your lack of self-confidence can take so much of you're personality , so much of your joy , so much of your happiness of your own accomplishments . And it sucks way more when people trigger it even more causing you to question your entire self , your looks , your personality , your work and it's disgusting because we are supposed to believe in our own beauty , our own winnings without someone taking us down under and making us believe that we're never gonna get there even if we're half way to the end of the road . 

This week I questioned my work and if I will ever be one of the good ones or just another struggling student . It made me question the way I look , if I will ever be pretty enough , If I will ever get to that point where people's comments and what they talk about me mean shit to me , If I will ever prove everyone wrong , If I will ever get to that point in my life where people never thought I could get there . This week made me question everything , it made me close off some people and put limits to others and chose who to actually have fin with and who to be completely in line with . 

I'm vulnerable , very , people can't see it but their words affect me in the worst way , it brings out my insecurities , makes me lose all confidence I have left , My mum always told me that I am unique and special in a way no one is and even though she always says that she's saying this truthfully and not because she's my mother . 

I don't believe it . 

I don't , because they get to me . 

People get to me , they get to all of us . It sucks. 

So fight back , I beg you to please fight back because if they get to your heart and brain , they'll kill your soul with no care what so ever and that's how cruel they can be . So stop their words from playing in your head over and over again and believe more in what you can do , what you have and what you look like . 

We're all unique , we're the ones who shine so bright we scare people , that's why they try to break and dim us . 

But we are better than we what we think of us .