I feel like we get underestimated a lot by ourselves , we don't believe at all in what we really can do and that sucks , like why is it like that ? Why do we treat ourselves that way ? Why ? 

I think what's worse than watching yourself go through that is watching your best friend go through it . 

I never talked about this online but I guess , today is a change for something new . 

Here it is , so my best friend moved to another place right after graduation , we only had limited time together and we always wanted to cherish it . We made memories , lots of them , over the years , after all we have been friends for almost 14 years ! I knowww ! Crazy right ? How did we handle each other for that long ? Sometimes she drives me nuts but she's the sister I've never had so no matter what , she's kinda stuck with me for life . 

Anyways , back to the point so she moved and it was heart-breaking for both of us , we both weren't happy with our paths and we both just weren't expecting that we'd end up here , you know ? 

When you're a teenager , you fill your head with so many imaginations and that was what happened but sadly they all didn't come true the way we wanted them to . It was sad , messy and absolutely horrible because we were separated and trying to deal with something we both didn't want . 

I somehow found a way to get through it or maybe just try and deal with it at the time but for her , it was harder , she wasn't used to anything , the atmosphere , the people , literally everything ... She couldn't find a place to fit in and maybe just maybe it's because she didn't want to fit in , in the first place . She became someone so different from what I know her to be , she didn't believe in herself , she became miserable , she found every reason out there to hater her life and it killed me to see her that way because no matter what I do or say , it won't change her mind about herself .

She can't see the fact that she has qualities that others don't , she can't see that she's gifted but only is she could show herself more , she can't see that after every hurricane comes a rainbow and a clear sky , she can't see that no matter what she's going through she'll get through it , nothing is worth her isolating herself from the outside world . 

See what hurts the most is that I was like that and I Changed slowly and now to see her that way is just difficult you know ? Depression is fucking shitty , I went through it and she did too , she still is and the thing with it is that you don't know what to do with yourself when you go through it , you're constantly on edge , constantly breakable to anything and it gets worse day by day and you don't know how to get yourself out and no matter how many people reach out to you , it's like they're locked out screaming things you can faintly hear through the door . 

Maybe we feel this way because we feel unloved by people around us . " We accept the love we think we deserve . " Maybe we think we deserve it for some reason . I don't know . 

All I know is that she doesn't deserve it for sure , no one does , she's the one that should be enjoying her life and not putting herself down every chance she's got . We've been there for each other through everything and I always tell her to believe in herself more and I will continue to . 

Here's the thing ; I know that I'm not some therapist that can fix someone sad and depressed but I know when I was in that stage , she was one of the few that helped me survive and get to the top when I was drowning in my own darkness and I will do the same for her , no matter what it takes . 

No matter how much darkness can consume us , there will always be a flicker of light left inside each one of us and that by itself gives us hope to never give up on ourselves and a brighter future . It's not the end of us . Depression is not the end of us , it's part of us and it might stay part of us for a while until it slowly vanished and we're replaced with something much more better than what we've imagined .

So best friend , I know it's shitty down there where you are but I'm where I am there for you when you need me no matter what day or time  , I'll be there for you .... ( complete the sentence/song , now that's a cheesy way to end a post about FRIENDS !)