Have you ever felt like you don't know where you are in life ? Like you are in a big pile of mess and there is no way out of it .

If you have , then welcome to the club that only consists of me but hey , I am enough . No but let's be honest here , who hasn't been scared about something in their life ? we all have , I mean there has to be a moment where we felt like our whole lives were on the line or something remotely close to that .

I hate feeling this way , it is my vacation and my heart won't stop beating fast every time I think about it . You might be wondering what am I talking about and you might kill me for this but it is important .

I am talking about my grades , yes , I know I always tell you guys that exams don't determine who we are and that we can do whatever we want but when you have a weird dream like mine which consists of me being a doctor and somehow still write then scores should matter .

I hate that exams are going to pick my future out for me but I have no other choice .

The thing is that I am scared to disappoint myself more than getting an A because to be honest I have been working really hard for this , not including the times I zone out whilst studying because that just happens out of nowhere . But seriously though like I have put a lot of effort in these finals , it is just really terrifying for me .

When you are the first one graduating in your family , you will understand what I am saying . Everyone is counting on you and you are going to be the person that takes care of the family when they get old and can't work to afford what they want .

And I want to do that for my parents , they have been there for me so many times , have given me every thing I asked for except for One Direction concert tickets .. I am still mad about that and yes I like One Direction , deal with it . Anyways , back to the point , even though they are not rich , they still make me live life without a need for anything .

The least I could do for them is graduate with a high score that will make them proud , to work really hard in life so one day I will be able to get them the house they have always wanted .

I just want to make them happy , you know .

I keep feeling like everyone is going to be better than me and I fucking despise myself when I keep comparing between me and others , I am such a weird person , one day I am all like this is me ( inserts Demi Lovato's camp rock song on the side , I am sorry I was a Disney girl ) then another day I am like ' why can't I be like her or look like this girl ' .

Like I don't know man , I just want to not care , you know ?

I want to not think about my future and what important choices I need to make , I want to just live my life and when the time comes I will make my own decision .

But I don't think I can do that , after all I am a person with fears just like all of you .

However , I will tell you what I will do , I will keep myself busy with literally anything , I am going to have an adventure of my own , and I am going to make myself happy and think less about all this future shit .

So anyone of you out there , if you are feeling the same way , if you are feeling like you don't know where life is going for you , then I am here for you just because I know it sucks and you need someone to understand what you are going through and I totally do so this stranger right here is telling you one thing that she's actually also telling herself which is ...

Go Enjoy Life And Worry Later .

And by later I mean never , because I am even an expert at procrastinating feelings too .

Cool Me .