I felt it , deep in my body .. I could hear it .. I could feel its broken pieces falling down in a deathly dark black tunnel to never find their way back to the light again .. My heart was lost for there was no one able to take ahold of it .

Why ? you may ask ... It was torn apart by all the emotions and unanswered questions ... You thought that the brain was the only one to ever suffer . You were wrong , the heart has it much worse .

She didn't know that my eyes were crying a river just a few seconds before the movie started . She didn't know that I feared the unexpected . I feared the possibility of never being good enough or even brave enough to hide them underneath my shadow from the darkness of the outside world .

He didn't know that I , all on my own , in charge of so many at such a young age . He didn't know that the idea of never being able to be there for them ... without a doubt can destroy her .
I was trying to stay positive , for they always said " Hope for the best and you shall find it . "

Yet I couldn't find it ... all I could see were rejections ... pessimistic views of what might the future hold ... I was standing there in the middle of a full gym , thinking about what I had to do to stand on my two feet .. thinking that what if I don't succeed ...
However she didn't think that my frowns were related to something essential ... she thought they were directed at her .. she thought I was trying to ruin her with my behavior when the only person I could be ruining is myself .

He thought that he was doing his best , yet he was lacking the feeling of hope . He had an unbearable negativity all around him that tore us apart and is going to toss the four of us into different destinations . He thinks that we don't know what is out there in the world , that we don't have that many experiences to understand what it is like to deal with a hard situation as this one yet he doesn't know that I have been thinking about everything before he even started  to . I wasn't giving up my passion for a silly reason ...

I was giving it up for the chance to live in a world where living can't be the easiest part of it all .

What amuses me the most though is that they think they know what is happening with me ... They think it's all a rebellious act when all it is , is an act of care .

Of fear even ... of fear of losing them .

I am scared .

And I am never one to fear the upcoming .

Will I be there to pick you up when you fall ... or Will I need the nonexistent strength of batman and superman combined ... ?

The answer is yet to be known , for no one can tell if I will ever be strong enough to give up my life in trade of your living .